I Want A Lover ~ I Don’t Want A Lover

1 day ago
4 min read

Updated: 44 minutes ago

A Musing On The 4th of July

Smiling older man in a blue shirt sits at a sunlit breakfast table with waffles, coffee, and raspberries by a window with flags.

I begin my journaling each day with the question: What is the best thing happening Now?

Here's today's answer:

Our nation’s 250th Anniversary. Happy Independence Day! As amazingly screwy as it has gotten of late in the USA, it’s still an amazing experiment that has allowed for an amazing amount of growth and evolution, freedom and exploration, for so many Beings.
A breakfast treat—chocolate chip waffles and one of my delightful buttered espressos with some thick bacon on the side.
Nice chill music playing.
AC and a fan keeping me cool on another 100 degree day.
Incense burning.
Spacious Space of Pure Being all around me…
A vast abundant choice of music always available—so much music! Loving my Mark’s Chill Huge playlist of almost 10,000 songs curated by me just for me. But also all the other playlists I’ve curated to give me this or that mood whenever I want it. True Abundance of Musical Choice.
Likewise for TV and Movies—so many options available whenever I want them.
Infinite entertainment, really!

Feelings of Loneliness

Then feelings of loneliness arose for me as I enjoyed my “4th of July holiday” morning, a holiday that the majority of Americans are sharing with friends and family while I am here only with my Divine Friends and Family. The feelings of loneliness were just a whisp of emotion floating by but became surprisingly quite intense for a moment, enough to nearly bring tears to my eyes. I Welcomed even more of them to come up if they were indeed there and nothing much came except a lingering sense of it still in the air about me.

I came to ponder my feelings at this point in my life of whether or not I still desire a partner, a lover, a close friend in life. Or do I actually still prefer being alone, without a partner for better or worse, looking only for Love and Support from within until I Know I Have It Completely.

I’m aware My True Wish is to become what Lester Levenson calls hootless about it. Where I’m so okay with either path that “I don’t give a hoot.” Barry Neil Kaufman also describes this state when he talks about wanting versus needing. He says, it’s okay to want something as long as you don’t turn it into a need—the difference being: you can want something while allowing yourself to be completely happy with or without it, whereas needing is saying you can’t be happy without it (and is thus actually a lie).

I just offered the students in my Breakthroughs Online Program Telegram Group the following:

Assignment for Today: notice something that bothers you and explore one or two related polarities that you notice. Play with them until a Higher Truth emerges out of them and you feel more Open and at Peace. Then report back here on what you discovered.

I decided I'm going to begin with exploring the polarity: I want a lover. I don’t want a lover.

I want a lover. I don’t want a lover.

Would I be willing to allow myself to feel and experience “I want a lover” as much as I am?
Would I be willing to allow myself to feel and experience “I don’t want a lover” as much as I am?
I want a lover?
I don’t want a lover?

I continue back and forth as I Welcome all it brings up in me.

[The Process of Welcoming is taught in my Loving Bliss of Being Online Program but also is presented in many of my free YouTube videos like this one and this one.]

The more I explore it, the more filled with Brilliant Light and Love I Become…

Soon, I Notice This Is The Love I Want And It's Right Here, Right Now—human lover/friend not required but wouldn’t get in the way of It either…

I Am the Lover I Seek… The Lover I Seek Is Here Now… Love Is. I Am. I Am Love… It’s All Here Now and I Am Experiencing It…

Would having a human lover here with Me as I Experience This make it better or worse?

Neither, It Would Simply Be A Different Experience and Yet the Same… One neither better nor worse than the other…

And I Recognize That As Being Hootless. When I’m Experiencing This Kind of Divine Love Consciousness I Am Free To Have A Human Lover or Not—I Don’t Give A Hoot because I’m Fulfilled Here and Now Regardless…

Freedom! Freedom to have and Freedom to not have…

I want a lover. I don’t want a lover. Both dissolve. There’s no wanting or not wanting. There’s Just This All Fulfilling Love Here Now and Whatever Arises Out of This As It Does. It’s Truly All For Me. It’s Truly All Perfect As It Is and As It’s Becoming… More Freedom!